From there to here

Start iTunes. Select "AJ" Playlist. Flip on the subwoofer. Turn the stereo up to at least 17. 20 if no one else is home. The first song brings the room to life. Nelly Furtado - Man Eater echoes through the house. Annoying my neighbors, when I have them. And like magic I have ideas. Pictures of all sorts of things. Risky pictures, sexual, poignent, beauty personified in the simplest image. Everything I want in a picture. But they get lost somewhere. Going from my dreaming brain to the understanding one, I lose it all. I'm left with some glimpse of what I wanted. It's more of a feeling then an idea by then. Indescribable. Unreachable. Completely frustrating.

Gave up what I loved...

I am very self concious about what I do. Doesn't matter what it is, I don't like to share it for one reason. I once upon a time tried my best to please someone. Have approval, get the big thumbs up. I struggled constantly with it. I messed up most of everything I did, still do. But one thing I knew I could do was write. A gift from my father, I always believed. All the hurting thoughts in my head I could put onto paper. It was easy for me. Pages and pages of poetry, I'd write constantly. So I knew I could get approval on that. I had gotten approval from friends, and teachers about it already. So of course this one person should agree. So I wrote. A very simple poem that embodied the entire story of the greatest tale of love and loss. I was proud. I was really pleased. I knew it was good. High on the knowledge of what praise and cheers I would finally receive, I ran poem in hand. I smiled and waited nervously as those eyes read over the page. Finished reading, the paper was laid down and those eyes looked at me. I was demolished by the words that followed. Still no approval, rather accusations of stealing and complete lack of talent. I swallowed the words hard and fought back my devastation. I gave up. I took the paper silently and left my hopes and dreams in it's place. Those simple phrases suffocated any desire to share a part of me. My thoughts, the good and bad were gathered together. Taken back from friends and family. I scoured the city for any sign of me. Every scrap of paper I had touched with my soul, I took back. No explaining to confused people standing in doorways in the middle of the night. Just a simple request to have it back and never be asked about it again. I quietly took them and burned them all. As the flames engulfed the crumpled fragments, I cried. Knowing I was loosing my heart in those embers. I cried. Knowing the hell in my mind would likely kill me now. I said my goodbyes to the life I knew. I accepted my fate as not good enough. I stood and walked away from that girl who tried. She looked at me and smiled. I cried.

Yes you can eat dirt!

Mmmmm....dirt cups. Not the best treats in the world, but it's steeped in tradition. Ok that might be a bit on the crapola side...but it's an awesome fun treat to make with kids. Granted I had to convince Pria that the worms were treats and not real. Once we get passed that part it's all good! So go make some dirt cups and relive those girls camp memories...no not those ones, that year sucked. The other ones...really there were some I promise...weren't there???

The process of insanity

I take random pictures. Don't know why, I just do.


Some are funny...


Some are eyebrow raising...


Some have a lot more thought behind them then I can ever explain.