Gave up what I loved...

I am very self concious about what I do. Doesn't matter what it is, I don't like to share it for one reason. I once upon a time tried my best to please someone. Have approval, get the big thumbs up. I struggled constantly with it. I messed up most of everything I did, still do. But one thing I knew I could do was write. A gift from my father, I always believed. All the hurting thoughts in my head I could put onto paper. It was easy for me. Pages and pages of poetry, I'd write constantly. So I knew I could get approval on that. I had gotten approval from friends, and teachers about it already. So of course this one person should agree. So I wrote. A very simple poem that embodied the entire story of the greatest tale of love and loss. I was proud. I was really pleased. I knew it was good. High on the knowledge of what praise and cheers I would finally receive, I ran poem in hand. I smiled and waited nervously as those eyes read over the page. Finished reading, the paper was laid down and those eyes looked at me. I was demolished by the words that followed. Still no approval, rather accusations of stealing and complete lack of talent. I swallowed the words hard and fought back my devastation. I gave up. I took the paper silently and left my hopes and dreams in it's place. Those simple phrases suffocated any desire to share a part of me. My thoughts, the good and bad were gathered together. Taken back from friends and family. I scoured the city for any sign of me. Every scrap of paper I had touched with my soul, I took back. No explaining to confused people standing in doorways in the middle of the night. Just a simple request to have it back and never be asked about it again. I quietly took them and burned them all. As the flames engulfed the crumpled fragments, I cried. Knowing I was loosing my heart in those embers. I cried. Knowing the hell in my mind would likely kill me now. I said my goodbyes to the life I knew. I accepted my fate as not good enough. I stood and walked away from that girl who tried. She looked at me and smiled. I cried.